I completely agree with what you are saying on Johnny and Ponyboy’s relationships. Johnny and Ponyboy seem to live the life of normal teenagers and are ignoring the violence occurring between the two parties: Socs and Gressors. Ponyboy enjoys studying, and reading, which are not the normal past times of a gang member. He even gets good grades in school, which other gang members don't even dream of, for they don't consider themselves capable of getting A's, and just plan don't care.
In addition, the large distinction between Johnny and Pony Boy from the rest of the gang is empathy. This is pretty much the same as you said, for I agree. A scene where empathy is shown is in the burning church. Johnny and Pony Boy see the pain of the parents, and how the children must feel, as they see the church imploding around them. They were doubly motivated to help because they were sure they had set it off with a cigarette butt. Though, others in the gang thought it was a stupid move, and not worth doing, though Johnny and Pony Boy knew better. Johnny took an even larger risk than Pony Boy, and exited the burning church second. Johnny new that he didn't have much to live for, for he had already murdered a person.
I beg to differ a little bit, on why Johnny acts the way he does. I actually think that Johnny is inherently "good" and that the gang has actually made him worse, than if he had grown up in a non-biased neighborhood. The conflict between his good-naturalness and living with the gang, made him want to kill himself, and as he said "I used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't gonna be long enough."
For the family mechanics, though, I completely agree. Without Darry pushing Ponyboy and showing him his mistakes, he might never have been the person he is now. Sodapop, though, is there to pull Darry back in, and keep him from hurting Ponyboy's emotions too much, and as you said, bringing balance to the family.
I would also like to add to what you say about the "Stay Golden, Ponyboy" quote. I agree with you, for gold does not tarnish, nor rust. Gold is the quintessence of pure, due to its qualities, and Johnny sees how pure Ponyboy is, compared to the rest of the gang and wishes him to stay that way. Johnny knows what it is like to kill someone, and to live with the guilt of it on his back, until he died. This weight he doesn't want Ponyboy to ever have, nor loose his love of school, reading, and getting A's. I think that Johnny saw in Ponyboy, what he wished for in himself, and wanted to live vicariously though Ponyboy, as he wasted away and died.
